I told him visit me in my dreams to tell me stuff; the kid always kept his promises. I kept wondering, “who, how, and why?”
That morning he had asked me for a ride…I was still slightly upset at all the trouble he had caused my parents and the way they kept forgiving him. So I was still mad at him for some reason. He asked me for a ride to work; that meant I had to get up two hours before I started, meaning I lost sleep without being foretold. I DON’T GIVE UP MY SLEEP… sleep is like a prized thing to me. Anywho I got my stuff and was grumbling through the whole thing. When I came to meet him at the door he was on the phone, I reached for the doorknob and his hand held the door shut. “Oh alright man, yeah I’ma see you here, aight.” Hangs up. “Hey it’s cool, I got a ride.” I look at him in disbelief of hearing what I just heard…he woke me up for THIS?!?!?!?!?? “What the fuck!!!”, I exploded, “I can’t fucking believe you…” and I stormed away. I was mad and upset and everything in between. I went back into my room fuming and slammed my door.
That late afternoon is when I got the call that he had been shot as he was walking to the store. That morning was the last morning I saw him and THAT is the last conversation I had with him. I can never forget this, EVER.
As I questioned the universe time and time again he came to visit…in a dream.
It was so bright and so…so… REAL. We sat in the dining room of our house and I asked him if he was okay. He was wearing his usual crisp white shirt and baggy navy blue jeans with his white air forces. He answered, “Im fine.” I continued, “Do you know who did this? Tell me who it was.” He looked at me with confusion in his eyes and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion,”I really don’t know, I wish I did, but even I don’t know who it was.” “Did it hurt?” The confusion vanishes and he looks at me in disbelief, “no shit! I got shot, that shit hurts. I called out to mom hella times even though I knew it wouldn’t help.” A thought occurs through my mind when he says, “I gotta go.” and I plead, “wait,wait I have to ask you something.” He says, “I can’t” and goes into the door frame and a huge bright light engulfs him. I’m standing alone in my living room, ” I just wanted to ask about heaven.”
I wake-up and I can’t believe it, the realness of it, I’m amazed. He doesn’t know the reasons, but he is in peace where he is. I here am not in peace…because to this day I wanted to say something. On that May 20, 2016 morning after I left fuming you said, “Sorry.” Well kid, I’m sorry too.